what a strange thing we are–people. the things we do, or do not. how does one explain our behavior? and even if we do choose to explain why we did a thing, or did not, what does it matter? what matters is what we do.
it’s the top of a new year. i spent time reflecting on last year and i let it get me down a little. i almost didn’t want to open the door and holler at the top of my tarzan lungs “happy new year” but then, what fun is that? my kid was excited and silly and i caught his case of sillies, and had no choice but to laugh and yes, holler out the door at the stroke of midnight. we had a great time. had a great time over the last few days being away from work, eating bad bad junk food. tearing apart the bedroom and my office to make things dustless, shiny, organized. apparently it’s what i needed to do. apparently it’s what i did to keep me from writing and looking for a new job.
i said to myself ‘no resolutions this year’ because i already know what needs to be done. and if i haven’t done it already, resolving to do it isn’t going to make it happen. i’m not the most goal-oriented person, but it’s been known to happen. like the time i saved up to buy a ford bronco. instead of a resolution, i’d like to set a couple of goals. each day i’ll ask myself what did i do towards them, and hopefully i’ll have a good answer for myself.
i don’t know why, when it’s time to write, i think of something else to do, or realize i need to perfect my cover letter and find another job. suddenly i realize i have a load of laundry that needs to be folded. i can’t tell you why i do these things. all i know is, it’s keeping me from a goal. a goal my heart wants so much. my heart wants to be happy and i have to stop the roadblocks.
today is the first time i’ve written in quite a while. i was 90% done with a short story, but when i encountered a problem with the flash drive (which is where i’ve been keeping the story, instead of on the main computer here), i felt kicked down and didn’t want anything to do with writing or technology. the story stopped talking to me, i lost interest. i hope today, my first day of writing in a while, the interest will take hold.
someone i know shows up to the page every day. i find that very inspiring. when i show up to the computer every day it’s to read bad news and waste my time, and my families time. my goal for today is to finish the short story, even if i have to re-type every last word. the next goal will be to find a market for it and send it out. nothing happens unless i make it happen, and although i have a problem with making my heart happy for some reason, i’m on a mission to bring this story home.
PS: i was going to call this post “no resolutions” but i realized that sounds so negative. how about a positive note, eh? no more wasted years! http://youtu.be/bR8D4Uybtzs